Issabel's Story
by Leahandra Snoffelkins
Summary: Issabel - abused and depressed, wakes up in the place of her dreams. Your average Mary Sue with a not so average ending.
1. New Lands

Tattered curtains ripped around in the wind, barely touching the sorrowful face of a girl, whose beautiful tear-stroked features could be seen in the frequent flashes of bright lightning which haunted the sky. In her dreams she was writhing, struggling with the will of her parents, whom she hated with a fierce passion.

_Why, why am I treated as a slave in my own home? _she had mourned before sleep claimed her.

The whole day she had spent doing household tasks in place of her drunk mother, who

jeered at her whenever possible. Without so much as a thankyou, a nod of

acknowledgement or even some food. No, she was made to make that as well.

Another lightning bolt struck and the wind howled more furiously, her long blonde hair flew around her gorgeous head like pale tendrils of mist, yet it did not knot. Every single strand fell harmoniously alongside the next in a dazzling river of gold.

Many a night she had mourned thus, grieving over her unfortunate circumstances, wishing, always wishing to wake up somewhere else. In this she retained a childlike faith that those things could happen. And would happen, someday.

And she knew exactly where she wanted to go.

* * *

Issabel woke with a start, after hearing a shout. _Must be my horrible excuse for a mother _she thought irritably.

Then she saw her surroundings.

No more was she in an old musty bed with a mere sheet to protect her from the chilly wind. She was not even inside. A vast expanse of green and brown greeted her large, blue and unhappy eyes. The unfamiliar forest seemed to smile at her from above.

A beautiful bird, unlike any she had ever seen before swooped and landed itself on her shoulder. Its claws seemed to respect her fragile body and did not dig in.

'What is your name sweet one?' she asked it, fully expecting an answer. The bird chirped and nodded in the direction of a rather large tree.

She raised herself with an effort, as the work of yesterday had been painful. Her eyes fell upon a fair haired being coming toward her, with golden hair to match her own.

Recognition hit her like a bucket of cold water on a cold winter's day.

'Legolas,' she breathed, gazing into his deep, timeless eyes. At the same time she could feel he was searching hers.

Legolas stopped in front of her never able to tear his gaze from her. Such beauty belonged to the Valar alone surely! Indeed it was painful for him to look at her and many long moments they stared at each other each being enamoured by the others physical beauty.

At last Legolas broke the silence, 'Are you a Maia my lady? That at least would explain your breathtaking beauty and knowing my name!'

Issabel was indeed surprised. For by her father and mother she had only ever been called ugly and other ghastly names. 'Beautiful my lord? I fear your eyes deceive you, for I am no Maia.'

'Then pray, tell me how you know my name.' he insisted, his curiosity building.

The bird on her shoulder chirped again and she vaguely noticed seven other figures coming their way.

'Would you believe that I am not from Middle-earth my lord? I am from a place where Middle-earth is considered only a story on film.'

Perplexed the golden haired elf fixed his deep blue eyes once more on her sorrowful ones. There was something in those eyes he could not discern yet it was not an evil. 'I will not pretend to understand you,' he answered 'yet I do not sense that you are lying. What is your name? '

Issabel hesitated, should give a false name? Issabel sounded grating on her ears although she thought, that was because of the way her abusive parents used it. On the tongue of Legolas it would likely sound like music…

'My full name is Issabel Louisiana Lawson,' declared Issabel.

'Issabel,' he repeated carefully, his rich accent making it sound more pleasant than she had ever heard her name.

'Where in Middle-earth am I?' she queried, flicking some strands of gold from her eyes in annoyance.

'You are in Lothlorien, my lady,' he replied, 'my fellowship and I seek refuge here for a while. Now, we must move on, there are orcs behind us. Will you come with us lady?'

The other seven now stood there in silence, stunned as Legolas before them by her ethereal beauty. Now the shorter figures looked hopeful at his last question.

'Of course I will,' she replied almost cheerfully, forgetting for a moment the sadness of her life and looking ahead to this new one. She cherished the memory of her name on his tongue. 'And Legolas,' she called after him as he turned to walk away, 'please call me Issabel.'

'But of course _my lady,'_ he teased lightly. Gently he took her hand in his and led her through the forest, the fellowship following. None being able to take their eyes off the lady's beautiful figure. Her hair glinted like gold in the soft morning sun and their eyes seemed blinded by it yet they would not avert.

In Aragorn's mind she was more beauteous than the lady Galadriel herself.

Issabel had a feeling this was the start of a very long adventure…

TBC…


	2. Reality

Heh. She wishes.

You see, what really happened was this. Indeed through her depressed dreams and mourning over having to help her mother with household tasks, she did somehow materialise her beauteous sleeping form onto that particular spot in the fellowships pathway in Lothlorien.

However, this was autumn and golden leaves were falling from the trees at an alarming rate. Issabel was soon completely covered by these leaves, which were the exact same tone of gold as her perfect, silky smooth hair.

She remained asleep, fuming inside, when the fellowship ran by and none noticed a lump under the leaves, for there was hardly any. Starved as she was.

Soon, sleep released her from its sturdy grasp. The girl got up, brushing the leaves off her brand new lovely, elven tunic which had appeared as she had and peeled some off her face where they had stuck like glue to her angry tears.

Then she noticed her surroundings and smiled a devious smile which fell when she heard a horrible shout. _Oh no,_ she thought, _don't tell me my father has followed me into Middle-earth!_

There, on the outskirts of the wood, dragging itself closer was a most hideous form. Dozens of them in fact. She stood there disgusted by their appearance. Gosh, they looked worse than in the movies.

As they moved forward awkwardly she let out a huge scream of, 'Legolas, save me!' and was content, knowing her prince would soon come to save her.

When after five minutes she realised nothing was happening she roused herself from a day dream about… you guessed it – Elves, weddings, you know the drill. She found that the orcs had formed a circle around her, their eyes had glazed over and they were all looking at her dreamily, well, as dreamily as an orc can look. Shocked by this, and even more shocked when they picked her struggling form up and made off with it she screeched Legolas' name for all she was worth. Apparently they liked screeches, for then they started fighting over who would carry her.

Yes, it was the beginning of a very long adventure indeed.

Quite a distance away, arrows had just appeared in the faces of the fellowship, including Legolas', something he did not take lightly He had his bow aimed at one of the offenders in a jiffy. Then the shriek of a girl reached his ears. Somewhere amid that high pitched shriek was his name, corrupted. He let a wail, 'Ai, shoot me now!'

The offending elf gladly obliged

Later the remaining members of the fellowship were brought before the lord and lady of the Galadhrim. The two could not have looked more bored if they tried.

'Seven there are here yet nine there were set out from Rivendell,' droned Celeborn, eyes almost closed from boredom.

The fellowship looked on solemnly, expectantly.

Galadriel looked upon them in wonder and Celeborn comprehended what he had just said. His eyes shot open in excitement, 'Tell me why are there only seven? There are always nine!'

'The Sue barely passed the borders of this land. She has diverted the orcs and saved many arrows,' Galadriel answered mysteriously

'And Legolas opted for suicide rather than be put through the torment of enduring the whole quest for the fifty-nine millionth, three hundred and eighty-two thousandth, six hundred and twelfth time,' supplied Haldir, secretly defending his brother, whom he knew had done the deed out of compassion.

None of the fellowship objected.

'Good! Now Mandos will have to accommodate for millions of fan girls instead of us!' cried Galadriel, in a most un-Galadriel-like way.

'Tonight, _we_ shall sleep in peace!' Celeborn said joyfully, 'Go now, and let this be the last time you plague this land!'

For the last time, the fellowship left Lothlorien and never looked/came back.

And they all lived happily ever after. Except for Issabel, who is in fact married to an orc.

* * *

Okay, my sincerest apologies about the first chapter folks… I was in a strange mood and wanted to see how many flames I could get by deliberately writing a mary-sue, in the most egregious form.

/whimpers

Don't kill me…


	3. Happily Never After

The Lady Galadriel stood tall and graceful, but with a most unnerving expression as she gazed into her mirror showing her the image of a struggling girl being carried off screeching by orcs like she was some prized possession. She threw back her head and laughed into the night.

Finally, both Orcs and a Sue had actually done something useful for them. This one must have forgotten that the allure of a Mary Sue's remarkable beauty, battle skills, super long curly eyelashes, vapid personality and love potion scented perfume doesn't only work on elves. The ultimate satisfaction had just been obtained. It wasn't often their story ended in being carried away by a horde of orcs. And this time love-struck Legolas was not around to rescue her.

Becoming aware of another presence in the glade, Galadriel turned slowly to face an all too familiar sight; the curly haired dour faced hobbit, Frodo. "Oh, it's you again. Didn't I tell you to leave?"

He simply gazed at her in wide eyed wonder as if this encounter had not happened every time a teenage author decided to insert themselves into the quest, and forced them all out of retirement. "Lady -," Frodo began.

"Shoo, go home. The quest is over."

"But what of the ring?" He held out his hand to reveal the forgotten foe.

"Oh Frodo, how many times are you going to tempt me with this?" Galadriel sighed, exasperated. She walked to Frodo, and snatched the ring from his outstretched hand. Not a glint of lust, as Frodo had so often seen was present in her eyes. She didn't even look at it. Instead she stalked to her mirror, and dropped it in. *Poof* It vanished. The ring sizzled, bubbled and twisted in what was clearly a strong acid solution.

So that's why Galadriel had warned him not to touch the water.

She turned and smiled at the confused hobbit. "It was fake Frodo. A replica."

"Wha-" Frodo began. "How did you know?

"The one and only One Ring was destroyed years ago Frodo. On your first quest. It can never be remade, for Sauron is no more, and this is the last time we will be forced to relive our history."

* * *

Celeborn heard the uncharacteristic laughter from where he rested and sighed. So much for resting in peace this night. Had another fanfiction author invented yet another way for orcs to openly attack Lorien while she strategically inserted herself into the story to 'save' them all just so she could then suddenly display her open and undying love for Haldir? Usually, such cases could be treated as witches. A splash of water and they melted, leaving a gory mess for the poor maids to clean. Sighing, he gathered himself up in a swish of robes, collected a bucket of water and followed the assault to his ears… straight into Galadriel's garden where her mirror was kept.

He would be requesting an audience with Varda in the morning.

"Galadriel?" he asked uncertain. His arm hung limp by his side still holding the forgotten bucket. "Are you… feeling well?"

Galadriel turned to face her husband, who stood stock still with his bucket of water. "Being constantly written and re-written by millions of fanfiction authors who think I'm an evil elf witch doesn't do much for the canon in me dearest," offered Galadriel in explanation.

"The ring was fake." Celeborn jumped at the voice, he, also being affected by OOC syndrome had not noticed the hobbit Frodo standing there.

"Well of course it was silly." Galadriel replied to his observation.

"It was fake." The hobbit deadpanned again.

"Yes, you already said that."

"I have been going to Mordor to destroy a fake ring." He realized then the last few years he had been missing out on a marvelous early retirement.

Frodo then fell into a maniacal form of suicidal depression and was shipped off to the Undying Lands in a strait jacket.

* * *

Somewhere under a mountain Issabel sat deliberating about her situation, but not at all worried. She knew that Legolas and her were perfect for each other and for that reason he would be coming to rescue her. But she really wouldn't mind if Haldir came instead… or Elladan and Elrohir. This is what a Sue like Issabel does when 'deliberating'.

Often she dreamed of that day she had awoken under a pile of leaves in the forest and called out her prince's name to come and rescue her. That day hadn't quite gone to plan.

Instead of the elaborate, sparkly, fairy-tale wedding to Legolas in Lothlorien she had planned out, she was married in a crude orcish ceremony the next morning. Don't misunderstand her now, she didn't mean to just let it happen. She meant to show them the brunt of her awesome Sue fighting skills and escape back to Lothlorien, where she would meet with Legolas (or Haldir, or Elladan, or Elrohir) on the way coming to rescue her. But it didn't happen that way. It didn't happen at all and after hours of waiting she was greatly confused.

No. She fell in love with it. She couldn't explain how his rotting teeth, bad breath, mottled grey black and green skin, dreadlocks, and inherently evil nature suddenly appealed to her, but they did. And to her potion addled mind, they were the features of the most beautiful face in the world.

The orc on the other hand knew exactly how. He had discovered a vial of conveniently labeled 'love potion' when he had searched her pink elvish satchel.

Now Issabel had never given any thought to the question of where orcs came from.

In her narrowly focused world, they just like, crawled out of caves and the slimy goo she'd seen in 'The Two Towers' and that was that. Unfortunately what she did not know, was that the movies were not exactly canon.

We will skip over the in-between details and just say that she was basically breeding the army for yet another War of the Ring. Not that Issabel realized it (nor did she know what the War of the Ring was - she knew only what she cared to look up on Wikipedia… and that Legolas was hot). She adored her mischief prone children as much as any loving mother. Well, make that one of them. Yes. She did play favourites unashamedly.

"Legolas don't kill your brother sweetie." Issabel crooned to one of her youngest. You heard correctly; she had named it Legolas - most likely because it was the best looking one of the bunch. This, mind you, is not saying much, though it had less deformities and its mother had even made it a long braided blonde wig from her own beautiful floor length hair that pooled around her ankles in syrupy ribbons.

The elf would have been mortified.

Her children had run off, chasing each other with knives and Issabel now stood alone in her chamber, singing and brushing her hair in front of her mirror.

Suddenly, an invisible force wrenched Isabel from her feet into complete and utter darkness. She screamed as the shock of the unknown claimed her. She could hear orcs shouting faintly, but it seemed she was being dragged through the barriers of time and matter, there was no feeling, no wind rushing by. Just darkness and now complete silence. "Legolas…?" the Sue whimpered feebly.

Nothing answered her, but a low, hungry growl.

Frozen in fear, she stood there in the darkness before she heard a deep rumbling voice, which seemed to emanate from the very particles of air.

"I hereby forbid the writing of all fanfiction. All who do so shall be fed to Morgoth. Ye have been forewarned." The proclamation of Manwe was heard throughout all inhabited worlds in the universe and there was great rejoicing amongst many people … mostly elves.

And that's what happened to our dear Issabel, and Legolas the child orc, because he had Sue genes and thus could rise to be the next Sauron. Morgoth, in all his eternal hunger did not think twice about consuming a rival almost as corrupted as he was.

THE END

Almost.

* * *

It was a calm moonlit night on earth, the due had settled on the grasses, snow was falling in some places and in others the sweltering heat plagued the people through the night. A girl sat in her room completely unaffected by the hot air. She would like to attribute this to the fact that she was Elrond's long lost daughter, but really it was because she was spoiled rotten and had an expensive air conditioner. Her hair was long and golden – with brown roots showing - and her eyes told of great sorrow but she was smiling tearfully at something on her computer screen. "That's so beautiful!"

She clicked her mouse and her eyes began to flick back and forth, her eyes were no longer soft with tears. Nor was she smiling.

Issabel sat fuming in front of her laptop in her room of soft blues and pinks and all colours that did not match. was flickering on the screen, she was reading a story called 'Issabel's Story'. And all had been sparkles and fairies until she clicked on chapter two. She had been betrayed. She should have known better than to have her younger sister write her into the Lord of the Rings.

"LUCY!" yelled a furious Issabel Lawson into the phone, probably deafening the person on the other end.

"Woah, calm down sis," exclaimed the person she had deafened on the other end.

"I will not calm down Lucy! How dare you do this to me? Do you think it's funny?"

Lucy smirked and shifted the phone to her other ear. This could be about any number of things. "So, what is it this time?"

"You're a bitch Lucy. You killed Legolas and had me kidnapped by orcs!"

"Oh that! I was just about to post the third chapter." Lucy almost burst out laughing but controlled herself. Her sister was truly the Oxford dictionary definition of an idiot. "I think you'll like it a lot."

"You had better fix it. If you don't… I won't cover for you the next time you want to sneak out," warned Issabel, rather unconvincingly.

Lucy just laughed. "And you'll what? Write your own essays and do your own homework then? It's a deal. Just remember that you won't be able to spend all your time chasing after hot guys anymore and mum and dad will probably kick you out when you start failing everything."

Heavy breathing was all Lucy could hear then, "Ugh, I hate you!"

SLAM

"Love you too sis." smirked Lucy as she hit the publish button.

* * *

Don't write Mary Sues people. It's bad for everyone ;)

And no. I don't know. Boredom just about explains it. Again, you'll have to excuse me for the first chapter :P


End file.
